My 16 year old self

Do you ever think of what you would have told yourself 10 years ago?  I cannot believe that it has already been 10 years and I would love to share with what I would tell my old self now.

First I would like to tell myself that not having your first serious boyfriend at this age, is not the worst thing in the world.  I would tell myself that you must love yourself before any one else can love you.

Start focusing on college.  Your grades from freshman year really start to set the tone of where you might attend college.  Take it seriously and take as many college classes you can while in high school to save money in the long hall.

Your best friends that you thought you never live without, will change.  People change over time and grow into the person they truly are, and some will stay with you for the rest of your life, and some simply wont.  It’s ok, because God will bring new people into your life over time. 🙂

Trust in yourself.  No one can make you believe in yourself, no one can write those long essays in college for you, or make excellent grades for you, or get that job that will change your life forever and make you want to change careers.  Only you can make that choice.

Last but not least, I would have told my 16 year self that bullies are usually insecure about themselves, which is most likely why they would be so rude to you or anyone else.  I would tell myself to not take it personally and really just focus on the true meaning of a friendship and realize those are the people that matter the most. Also, don’t be afraid to tell people about the bullying.  Hopefully your story can stop that person from doing it to someone else.

The girl in the mirror

The girl in the mirror

I am usually not one to talk about my insecurities a lot, because truth be told, I have a lot of them.  As I was working out at the gym two days ago, I noticed the girl in the mirror is not the same girl I used to know.

The girl in the mirror used to love to work out (even though every single person I was with was so fit and probably could go years without working out and still look amazing), and now this girl has to make it a point to go.  This girl finds excuses as to not do certain things, or certain workouts that I know will look terrible to someone else to see someone my size doing something.  This girl cares more about what people think (I can tell the look on some people’s faces as I am doing some moves that are rather unpleasing to the eye in the workout class–they are not pleasant looks).

The girl in the mirror used to love to be social.  I would almost always make it a point to call someone, stop by and say hello, just to check up on them.  This girl now makes it a point to stay at home as much as possible.  Just spending and cherishing precious moments with my daughter, as if thinking going somewhere would somehow take that away.

The girl in the mirror used to love to work.  Seeing something that I did to help them improve something, or change someone in a way they never saw it coming, would mean the world to me.  This girl now doesn’t seem to see that anymore, or maybe that I am just not looking as much.  This girl is kind of dreading going back to my old job and working 12 hour shifts, and not getting any sleep the night before.  This girl now has anxiety in situations that I used to be so confident in.

The old me is still in there, and I know not everything is bad about the new me, but I know after all that I have been through in the past three years, that I have just kind of lost myself.  Lost what I loved to do, lost that confidence that I held so greatly in my hand because I loved who I had become as a person, and just overall lost me.  I am so ready to change, and at least knowing what I need to work on and improve, is very important.  Hopefully next year, the “old” me will be the girl in the mirror that I used to know.