1 YEAR, 12 MONTHS, 365 DAYS, 8760 HOURS, 525,600 MINUTES, 31,536,000 SECONDS
That’s how much time has passed since Rochelle has passed away. It’s crazy to think that I have made it to this point in my life, and in my grieving process.
In the beginning of this journey, I went through some pretty tough times accepting what all truly happened. I didn’t know how I could have grasped everything that occurred, in such a short amount of time. It wasn’t until I sat down and typed everything up with what truly happened in the moments after her death, that I had to stop and think about how I was feeling.
I had a lot of anger that just harbored within, and at that time I got rid of some much stuff (I still regret giving everything away, some stuff I definitely could have kept)! I didn’t want to see anything that had Rochelle’s name written on it, and I wanted it gone. I was hurt, and in a lot of pain. It took me time to actually go through all of her items, and keep only the special ones. I could feel myself falling deeper into a hole around the three month mark. I had very poor self esteem, and I just didn’t think anything good/positive. I remember having to just pull it together for Brielle’s 2nd birthday party. I tried so hard to be “in the moment” but I just couldn’t. I remember the guilt kicking in, around month seven, and I was hurting so much.
It wasn’t until month eight, that I could see myself turning my negative outlook around, and appreciating everything that God had given us. I loved that I wrote my farewell letter to her through poetry. She was my inspiration to explore deeper and profound feelings for my love of writing.
Somehow, I got the sign I longed for, and that was for God to give me hope again. To listen to myself and my heart, and do that I truly love to do. I started peak an interest in photography, and I loved celebrating her first birthday, and being able to capture it. I loved knowing that she was celebrating with Jesus, among all people, and her brother Lamar. The only word that I could find to describe that feeling is pure magic.
I believe I am a place right now, that I would have never thought possible, just one short year ago. I have many downs, but a lot of ups as well, and with God, family, and friends, we have somehow made it to this day, a year later, January 7th, 2016. Please continue to pray for healing and growth with our family, and that we continue to share Rochelle’s journey, for a lifetime to come.
Here are some of my favorite pictures, ever.
perfection–even when she had jaundice! 🙂
Just minutes after meeting her for the first time, I will never forget the way her fingers curled and grasped mine so tight
Sleeping peacefully.. at least for a little bit when she was not being held.
R.I.P our sweet sweet Angel Rochelle Elaine Johnson
November 06, 2014- January 07, 2015.
©2016 Sheridan Johnson @Journey with the Johnsons. All Rights Reserved.