Camouflage

Loud booms of bombs going off,

shakes the ground he is lying on.

He hears the gun fire making

its way closer and closer to him.

Missing shots hitting the dirt,

causing a huge sand-storm,

almost blocking his vision.

But he has no fear,

as he lies on the hard rocky surface.

Because they will never see him,

behind this four foot rock wall

because he, is in camouflage.

marines battle.jpg

Prompt inspired by Jacqueline Oby-Ikocha, from my Writing101 Poetry class.

Photo credit Wikipedia.

©2015 Sheridan Johnson @Journey with the Johnsons. All Rights Reserved.

 

One more time

One more time

Have you ever just wanted to do something

one more time?

Take me back to the January 7,

to when I fought so hard to get my own chair,

as uncomfortable as it was, just hold her.

Take me back to the colors of the room,

or the pictures on the walls.

To the sounds all of the nurses, doctors, therapists,

and all of the medical personnel always around.

To the noises from my mom and Shane.

I would want to hear the vital signs monitors again,

even as loud and annoying as they can be.

I would want to study her telemetry,

 and see what rhythm she was in.

I want to study her oxygen levels,

her nasal cannula, and the dressings on her face.

I want to look at her NG tube again,

and notice the true beauty in that tiny tube.

I would want to study every little thing about her,

talk to her until she falls asleep, hear her cries,

change her diaper, and dress her one more time.

I want to open the windows, and see the outside,

because on that day, I had never noticed the weather.

I didn’t get to see the vibrant sun outside,

until it was time to say good-bye to her and walk away,

through those black, sliding entrance doors.

It was beaming so bright,  yet I felt so cold and hollow inside.

If there was one day last year, that I could re-live,

it would be the day I had to say good-bye

to my two month old baby girl.

If I could have told her one last thing,it would be,

that I hope she knows how much she was loved.

I would tell her that mommy and daddy would trade spots,

in a heartbeat, just to give her a full, long, vibrant life.

I would tell her that she has, hands down,

the best biggest sister ever.

I would tell her, in my final words,

that God will take care of her, better than I ever could.

If I could choose any day in the last 12 months,

It would be to spend one more day with Rochelle.

The Outsider

This prompt from the Daily post, made me think of High School. High school, for me, was not fun.

The moment I knew I was an “outsider” was when I was walking in to the High School,sometime mid-semester of my freshmen year, surrounded by hundreds of people, all in different “groups/cliques”. I realized that I didn’t fit in any of them. I wasn’t athletic, into punk music and dressing black, hanging out with my “black” people (hell, I didn’t own being Black and proud of it until I met Shane), I wasn’t popular, or smart, and I definitely was not into doing any kind of drugs/ paraphernalia. I was so insecure, that I would RUSH to my classroom to be super early, so that no one really had to see me coming in, or notice that I was there in general.

Not only did I already feel like an outsider, but I was also bullied my freshman year. Some guy who used to cheat off of me, got so offended when I asked to change seats, after noticing what he was doing. He decided to print out a “fat book” about me being “as fat as a cow”, or “as fat as a .. etc etc” and printed a ton of copies and distributed the book across the school (500+ people and got caught/in trouble not too long after he and his friends distributed the copies). I know now that I was depressed after that, and reading my diary, definitely confirms that theory. I had never felt so low in my life, and I couldn’t believe I let him control my feelings and actions (but thanks to him for kickstarting my love for working out!) that took place after that.

After that incident occurred, I definitely stuck with the same friends, knowing they wouldn’t hurt me or judge me. Meeting Adriane (my best friend) my freshman year, was such an amazing thing, and I could NOT have gotten through everything without her.  She was my other half, my glue, my everything.  I had never had a person (besides my mom) truly understand how/what I was feeling, and actually cared about me (oh and FYI we are still the best of friends, even though we have both moved apart, gotten married, and moved forward with our lives). I never thought I could actually be pulled out of the dark hole I was spiraling down. I got so paranoid, that I felt like people were always staring at me because of my size (tall) and weight (big). I had some no self-confidence and I truly just wanted to “not be noticed”. I definitely didn’t let anyone in, or trust anyone, so I felt like I gave no one the chance to truly to get to know me.

It wasn’t until I met my soulmate (Shane) spring break of my Sophomore year. He lived 90+ miles away from me, yet he made me feel beautiful, worth something, confident, loved and God blessed me with him at the perfect time. God shined through him and his actions, and he made me realized that God loves everyone, and He loved me before anyone else did/could.  He told me that God made me perfect in His own way, and that’s all that truly mattered.

When I walked into my Junior year, I no longer felt like an outsider.  I was loved, confident, and you could just tell that nothing was going to get in my way.  I joined clubs (which I NEVER would have before), and got to know/meet new people, that were around me for years, yet I didn’t ever truly open my eyes to see them.  I was putting my best foot forward with grades, school, friends, and my family.  Even though I couldn’t control my past, and how it made me feel, I knew I could change my future, and my actions going forward.

Next time you notice someone may be staring at you, or feeling out of place, invite them to sit with you. They might be “the outsider“.  Engage in conversation and let them know that they are not alone, and just maybe, that person will have an amazing story to share. 🙂

Sidenote:  The guy who wrote the book about me, eventually facebook messaged me and apologized a couple years after we graduated. Better late than never, right? 😉

A Day in Rochelle’s Life

rochelle daily.jpg

I have many questions asked to me wondering how it is to take care of Rochelle at home.  She seems like a normal average baby, just with a very strict schedule 🙂  She still wakes up every 1-2 hours throughout the night even though she is on continuous feedings, and loves to be held and snuggled.  Here is a look into what we do every day with our baby girl 🙂  (**Add in a hyper toddler all day who is also in diapers, it makes for some VERY interesting days)

0830am-0900 – Initial Morning Assessment &Medicine Time
-Check placement-PH by checking the residual (usual less than 5ml) and then placement of NG tube after putting the food back in, insert 1-2cm of air while simultaneously placing the stethoscope over the stomach and press down the syringe of air and listen to a “whooshing” sound
**Give her Lasix 0.4ml and Prevacid 1ml in her NG tube after residual has been checked, add half cap of miralax in morning feed
-Listen for bowel sounds-should hear a gurgling sound in all four quadrants of the abdomen
-Listen to her heart and get her heart rate. Listen for 30 seconds and multiply times 2.
-Measure her abdomen with the tape measure –should be between 32-36cm in the morning
-Check her temperature—Notify MD (Dr. Ramona) if above 101 degrees
-Put on splints with mitten covers
-Set the rate and the dose to the correct amount
-Get a new feeding bag and measure in half breastmilk/half formula and pour into bag and warm up in hot tap water in the pot
-Start the feeding and re-check the rate and dose before starting
-Pulse ox monitor for 5-10 minutes want the range to be 90-100
1200 (12:00P.M)-Feeding
-Check residual-(her usual is less than 1cm of residual) return all residual back in her NG tube and administer the noon meds
-Clean out feeding bag and flush with water then put new breastmilk/formula mix in the bag and warm it up in hot water in a pot until food gets warm(room temperature)
-Make sure volume total is cleared out to 0, that the rate and volume are correct, and then start the feeding
-Take off splints
1500 (3:00P.M)-Feeding
-Check residual-(her usual is less than 1cm of residual) return all residual back in her NG tube
-Clean out feeding bag and flush with water then put new breastmilk/formula mix in the bag and warm it up in hot water in a pot until food gets warm(room temperature)
-Make sure volume total is cleared out to 0, that the rate and dose are correct, and then start the feeding
-Put on splints with mitten covers
1800 (6:00P.M)-Feeding
-Check residual-(her usual is less than 1cm of residual) return all residual back in her NG tube
-Clean out feeding bag and flush with water then put new breastmilk/formula mix in the bag and warm it up in hot water in a pot until food gets warm(room temperature)
-Make sure volume total is cleared out to 0, that the rate and dose are correct, and then start the feeding
-Take off splints
2100 (9:00P.M)-Overnight Feeding &Medicine
-Check residual-(her usual is less than 1cm of residual) return all residual back in her NG tube
**Give her Lasix 0.4ml once in NG tube after residual has been checked
-Clean out feeding bag and flush with water then put 300 ml of new formula ONLY in the bag and warm it up in hot water in a pot until food gets warm (room temperature)
-Make sure volume total is cleared out to 0, that the rate is 27 ml/hr and dose is 270ml, and then start the feeding should end at 0700
-Pulse ox monitor for 5-10 minutes (want the range to be between 90-100)
(I had to write up this schedule for my mom and Shane in case I am ever not here they would know exactly what to do and when to do it)

Off to our every other week doc appointment

 

Tummy time!

 

Which then led to sister time 🙂

©2015 Sheridan Johnson @Journey with the Johnsons. All Rights Reserved.