baby

Experience pain or be pain free

October 29, 2018October 29, 2018by Sheridan Johnson1 Comment

I really wanted to write this post on why I chose to experience pain and have two all natural deliveries (with no epidural) and what really led to that decision.

I wanted to write a little back story on how I came up to that decision. Brielle was my first full term baby and I knew I would most likely get an epidural with her. It was all because I literally didn’t want to be in ANY pain at all. I mean, I was 25 years old, and I knew that I couldn’t handle it (well, at least back then I thought I knew that) so I really never gave an all natural birth experience a second thought.

Brielle’s delivery that I documented here was so easy. It was exactly the way I wanted it to be (besides the major scare at the end) but overall I was laughing and enjoying the entire experience. What I didn’t like about having the epidural is the loss of control. I mean, I really never gave it a second thought that I wouldn’t be able to use to restroom (thank goodness I didn’t have to pee after I got it), or that I wouldn’t be able to shower after the delivery immediately (because y’all.. it’s just gross), or the fact that I wouldn’t be able to walk around and move during the process to get things moving a little (or a lot) faster.

So when we found out we were pregnant with Rochelle and that she was going to be a terminally ill baby, I wanted without a doubt, an all natural birth experience. Her story is here. Her birth was scary, and amazing at the same time. In just 2 1/2 hours my body did something that took HOURS with Brielle. I pushed her out and it was exhilarating, and I was SO extremely proud of myself for doing something that I was SO terrified to do.

Then comes Malachi. One major reason that I wanted to do another all natural, no epidural labor was because things went to crazy and chaotic with Rochelle’s birth, I wanted to do things differently. I didn’t know the gender of Malachi throughout the entire pregnancy and I wanted it to be a surprise to everyone. I also wanted the freedom to have my kids in the delivery room (up until birth) and to walk around on wireless monitors. I didn’t know that I would need a labor ball as well, but it was so beneficial and I am so glad I asked for one! I wanted to slow down the oxytocin (the medication used to induce labor) this go around as well (per doctors approval) and take it step by step. His birth story is here.

I think so much pressure is put on us women as we have to make a choice in the beginning and in the end as to what we are going to do during labor. If we are ok with a c-section (in case emergency happens), or if we want an epidural. Never do they offer a “pain free” delivery with modifications that fit your wants/desires. I think it’s amazing at the hospital I delivered at (DeTar North in Victoria, Tx) to listen to what I wanted and what was best for our baby on getting him out safely.

I think every single way that a child is able to survive and enter this world is a miracle, and I just applaud each and every woman who has birthed a baby via c-section, getting an epidural or going the all natural method. Each mom is amazing and I want to give you a virtual hug!
**Also note that I am also speaking to all the moms whether you are a mother by adoption, or you had a surrogate deliver your precious child.. I think the world of you women as well!**

I would LOVE to know which birth plan you chose and why! I love sharing our amazing stories and think we can definitely build this community up with encouraging positive information.

With love,

Sheridan

baby

Breast is always best

October 4, 2018October 4, 2018by Sheridan JohnsonLeave a Comment

breast

I wanted to open this discussion on this platform, because I think there definitely needs to be something said about this topic, to all of the moms out there!

I remember carrying Brielle and picturing what our first year would look like, how things would go, and kind of predicting our future together. It definitely involved exclusively breastfeeding/pumping for an entire year.

I read ALL the baby books that I could (I was actually finishing up with my RN degree when I was pregnant with her) and so I was pretty informed on how MANY women were able to successfully breastfeed, and how with a lot of work and lot of patience MOST women could do it.

When I pushed Brielle out, I knew they were going to try to latch her on pretty quickly after delivery.. which I was 100% ok with. What I thought would happen naturally with me producing colostrum seemed to be effective, and then about day 3-4 it seemed to turn into milk. What I didn’t understand was that I was not feeding Brielle enough milk, and IT. FREAKING. HURT! She literally was a latching champ, and I couldn’t understand why she always hungry! After her initial 2 week check-up, she dropped a little weight (to be expected) but her Pediatrician did inform me that I should probably think about supplementation in the near future if she doesn’t start putting the weight back on.

I left that appointment CRYING (ok, I was full on bawling to my mom) and I knew I had to do something! So I made an appointment with a lactation consultant in Austin and I was ready to try ANYTHING for my baby girl. I mean I bought ALL the teas, cookies, disgusting flavor drops that you can put in your tea to increase supply, you name it.. I bought it. But while I was there, she noticed how amazing Brielle nursed, and weighed her after nursing on both sides, and she did notice that one Breast was producing significantly less milk than the other. She also stated that the gap between my breasts could be a cause of low-supply as well.

So I went home and I was determined to do anything to get my supply up.. I even lost TONS of sleep pumping incessantly in between each of her feedings. But I just couldn’t produce enough milk. I broke down when I realized that I put SO much pressure on myself to do something my body just couldn’t do, and I had to come to realization that if formula is what is best for my baby girl to get fed, and grow, and that was going to have to be ok!

So I supplemented half of every feeding with formula until about 4-6 months when my supply just started to decrease so much that there wasn’t really a point to continuing, so I chose to exclusively formula feed until she turned 1.

I couldn’t believe I got SO caught up with this idea that since ALL my friends could do it, and my own mother did it, that it would just work with me.

I was part of that society that just assumed all women should breastfeed because it’s what is said to be best for the baby (except of course if there is drug-use involved or potentially hazardous medication that could be passed within the breastmilk) but what if women couldn’t? Would that make them less of a mom? What if they chose to only formula feed because they did not have any desire to breastfeed? Or what if they chose to pump? It absolutely all comes down to what is best for your baby, and that is different for every single one of moms (and dads) to determine.

I didn’t feel bad with Rochelle when my breastmilk couldn’t keep with her night-time round the clock feeding and I had to use formula, or when Malachi turned 4 months old and I had to switch to two different formulas (at the same time) that he would tolerate when my supply could no longer keep up.

Y’all, God created each one of us differently, and I know for a fact that you cannot tell if one school-aged child was breastfed vs. formula fed by the way they look on the exterior. It’s amazing to me that so much judgement/pressure gets put on us moms to make a decision while we are pregnant as to how we are going to feed our baby after we welcome them into this world. Sometimes, we just have to follow our gut and our intuition as to what we feel is best during that first year of life (or longer for some.)

I just want to tell you all to let that struggling mom out there that says breastfeeding is hard, IT IS. Let them know they are doing a great job! Or that mom who has to pump because she works full time and cannot breastfeed at all times, give her a high five! Or what about the moms that formula feeds around the clock and has to wash 500 bottle parts a day? Tell her she is doing amazing!!

Instead of judgement, let’s spread positivity and encouragement to one another! Parenting is hard, but with a little help, a little positivity, and a LOT of love, we can do this!

With love,

Sheridan

baby, parenting, photography

Happy 6th heavenly birthday, Lamar!

July 18, 2018July 18, 2018by Sheridan Johnson3 Comments

6 gold

Image credit here

After the first couple of years after we had the abortion that ended Lamar’s life, we didn’t exactly know how to celebrate his life, or even if we were able to, since we decided to end it.

I know that was a hard introduction to his birthday post, but I wanted to be real and raw with you guys. I am trying to find the “right or appropriate” words for this post, but at the end of the day, it has to come from my heart.

Lamar was a very active boy in utero (as I am sure he is in heaven), and it really broke both Shane and I to pieces when we had to make that horrible, final decision to end his life. At the end of the day what we now realize, is that it came down to fear. Fear of the unknown and all of the uncertainty that surrounded his life.

Let me back track a little for some of y’all who may be new around here. Our first pregnancy was our son Lamar Grant Johnson. He was diagnosed with Full Trisomy 18, and we were told from the specialist that he would most likely die during birth, or if he happened to survive, he would be needing 24/7 round-the-clock care and would only live up to 1 year at max. The specialist said ultimately it comes down to what kind of life would he have, and they said it would not be good, and that termination would be the best option for us.

Wow if Shane and I could only back track to that day, in that small, brown, terrifying office when we got this news–and changed the trajectory of that conversation. We would have brought in our own statistics (as we did in Rochelle’s case) of the amount of children that lived (and thrived) with Full Trisomy 18. We would have told them that NO matter what, we were choosing LIFE (and not death) for our son, and that we wouldn’t listen to them try to pressure us to make any other decision.

But that’s not the route we chose, and we have to accept that fact.

Lamar holds a VERY special place in our heart, and we know that Brielle and Malachi (and all three of our adopted children) will forever remember him, even though they never got to physically meet him.

It took a long time for us to understand that God forgives us for that wrong decision and that even though we can never change the outcome, we can celebrate and honor his life and tell people about him and share his story.

We are not perfect, we have flaws, and sins (some bigger than others) but we are loved, forgiven, and redeemed (and for that, we are forever grateful.)

So we celebrated by getting a balloon, singing him happy birthday, eating cake, saying prayers and wishes, and celebrating his life.

We love you so so much Lamar and cannot wait to see you one day!

baby, Family, growth, milestone, photography, Pictures, rainbow baby, weekly

4 months old!!

May 9, 2018May 9, 2018by Sheridan JohnsonLeave a Comment

4-months

Image credit here

So somehow we have made it to 4 months already!? That is crazy and I love how much growth has happened over these last 4 months! From literally just eating/sleeping/pooping and peeing all day to now being so talkative, belly laughing, rolling over, trying to sit up by himself, and eating from a spoon (and still drinking milk/sleeping/pooping and peeing, haha)!

I am just amazed at laid back he is, how much he still loves to be cuddled up against us when he is napping/ or just sitting wanting to play and sit on your lap to watch everyone and how much joy he brings to the entire family.

It’s so precious that each one of kids are developing such a unique and special bond with him, that they are going to carry with them for the rest of their lives. Brielle loves to feed him, cuddle him, and make him laugh (around 100 times a day), Joseph loves to play with him on the ground and just talk to him and introduce him to new toys, and activities. Luke loves to laugh (and in return malachi laughs back) and loves to sing “twinkle, twinkle little star” to him to calm him down, and Gracelynn LOVES to say “kai kai” and show him all of her toys and she has started to sing him to him as well and loves to see him laugh!

So even though his doctor appointment isn’t until next week, I am just going by what we have taken here at home!

Weight: 15 lb 6 oz pounds taken at home scale

Length:25 inches (taken at home)

Likes:

-To be held! It’s so adorable how much he LOVES when we are holding him!
-To be talked to and play “peek-a-boo”
-To eat! He just tried baby food for the first time today and ate the ENTIRE bowl!! He loves food (just like his parents).
-To sleep! He has woken up past two nights 1 time for a feeding but before that we had a good stretch of sleeping ALL.NIGHT.LONG! Hallelujah! I just wish we could pass on the great sleeping to the girls in the house (including me).. but we are getting there!
-He loves to be hot! He loves to be pressed up against someone when he is napping!
-His carrier! He literally falls asleep in it almost instantaneously. We have now introduced the sling carrier as well and he has done amazingly well!

Dislikes:
– Clipping his nails! Though he is finally tolerating it a bit now!
– Changing his clothes. He absolutely hates it now!

Teeth: None! 🙂 Though, the drooling has caused increase in spit up, so that’s fun! 🙂

Language:
I swear it’s like he is responding correctly to what we are saying at times! His cooing is incredibly adorable and his laugh literally melts my heart every time!

Milestones: Rolling over back to front on both sides now, trying to sit up on his own, and eating his first baby food!

Upcoming:

MD appt: 4 month appt May 14th

Here are some pictures from the last few weeks and today’s monthly picture!

Thank you all for following along his journey and growth! I believe crawling and sitting up on his own is surely going to happen in the next few weeks!