It is so important for us to try to react to our children in a loving and kind way. I for one, am the first one to admit that I overreact a lot of times when Brielle is misbehaving/doing something that she shouldn’t be doing.
After reading this article a couple of months ago, I am really trying to understand more of where/why she is acting the way she is, instead of reacting so fast to the situation at hand. This has changed how she responds dramatically and it has actually help to prevent a LOT of meltdowns.
I have been working on saying more phrases like “what is making you so mad” or “how can mommy help you figure this out” so she doesn’t become frustrated which usually ends in a meltdown.
There are still so many times that Shane and I jump the gun and say something out of anger/little sleep/busyness, but that doesn’t make it ok and I know it does hurt her feelings in the end.
What I have noticed is that it’s ok to say “I’m sorry, mommy only said that because I was upset with you and I will try to work on not yelling the next time you do that”. She is learning so much and putting everything together, and I don’t want her to remember this phase in her little life, as always being in trouble or redirected to do something else.
We can always be better, and in the end, that’s the most important thing is that we continue to work to be better parents, better partners and always have the same goals in the end!
Have you said something negative to your child, and immediately thought out a different scenario where things could’ve ended differently? Let me know! I would love to connect on this topic!
In this section part 6, of the 30 days towards connected parenting, Rachel talks about working together and treating our children like human beings, instead of having something done to them, try doing it with them. She focuses on how important involvement, self respect and confidence, and forming boundaries are.
I feel like I have been hesitating on posting this section, because this past week has been pure hell insanity from Brielle. It’s like someone traded toddlers with me or something. Her behaviors have been out of this world with hitting, kicking, talking back, crying, you name it, she’s done it. She even went as far as to sit in the middle of the isle of Hobby Lobby today, refusing to walk.
Tomorrow is a new fresh day, and I have decided to solely focus on her, and do whatever she would like to do, all day. I want to see how it will work out for me, since it seems to be the frustration that she lets out is from being told “no”. I need to work on forming boundaries that don’t necessarily involve a punishment, and just to let her know that these are expectations that we should all follow in the house.
I know that she has great self-respect and confidence, because every morning when I am doing her hair she says “I love my curly hair, I am SO pretty!” I know that I have to really work on not saying anything negative about my weight/body/appearance around her, because she is ALWAYS watching or listening to what I am saying or doing. I want her to know that no matter what anyone else says about her, she should always remember that God loves her and He finds her beautiful and that’s truly all that matters.
This series definitely is teaching me great things that I would like to change about myself and my parenting tactics, and I am loving all the information Rachel and Sara both provide to us moms, in order to become better at working more as a team with our children.
In this 30 days towards connected parenting, section 5, Sara talks about strategies and techniques that we could use to better show unconditional love. Below are some of the techniques she suggests using, to keep the communication door open and the relationship strong, and not close it and shut it down.
Model the behaviour you want to see in your children.
Show empathy and understanding while also maintaining boundaries. Offering comfort is not ‘giving in’, it’s helping them learn good emotional regulation.
Instead of praising: ask questions, describe what you see, or say nothing.
Respect them as you would an adult.
When a problem arises, focus first on connection instead of control.
I am not going to lie and say that we don’t use rewards/punishments in this household, because quite frankly, that seems to work majority of the time. We are also use the “1,2,3 rule” and time out if necessary. But, I must say after reading this article, it definitely opened my eyes to more ways that I can be more understanding of Brielle’s behaviors, instead of always trying to control the situation. I need to understand that just because I want to go to the gym, or the grocery store, or where ever it may be, that it does not necessarily mean that she wants to do the same. Instead of saying “if you don’t finish getting dressed and ready, you will have to stay home with Daddy instead of doing ____ with me”. I know that by telling her this, it makes Shane seem like the bad person (but he is truly the FUN parent out of the both of us), but I also need to not force the situation, or use other threats as well as punishment. It only makes me more frustrated, and the bad guy, both of which I don’t like being. I want Brielle to know that Shane and I love her unconditonally, and I want to make sure we stay as strong, for as long, as possible.
I am glad that I am opening my eyes to using different strategies, and while of course no parenting style works for everyone, I am just glad to try!
In this fourth section of the 30 days towards connected parenting, Rachel speaks about releasing some of the many pressures that “society” places on us parents. I definitely felt a LOT of pressure after soon becoming a parent to breastfeed my baby solely since I have heard the phrase “breast is best” MORE times than not. When I failed at that by not producing enough milk, I felt like I was a failure at supplying what my daughter needs, but also felt shame from society/friends that I couldn’t nourish my baby with my body.
It was an eye opening experience that I felt SUCH a great amount of failure so early on in my parenting. With the help of Shane and my mom, I was definitely able to continue to breastfeed/pumping and supplementing formula as well. I loved what journey Brielle and I had and I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Do you other moms feel like you have to be the boss of your children? I feel like that is my role at work, my role in many situations in life, and also “one” of the titles given to me during my parenting. I hate for Brielle to disagree, or just have a full on “tantrum” when she just point blank doesn’t do what I WANT her to do, right that minute.. So it begins with the bribing, threats of time out and follow through with them if deemed necessary, and discipline. I never just realized in those moments of wanting her to just listen and do what I say the first time, might be just not what she wants to do right then and there. And it’s OK. I have worked this past week on just getting down on her level, talking through things with her instead of barking orders, and realizing that more gets done when we work as a TEAM, instead of me being the boss of her. I have seen SO much difference in the way she interacts with me, and I truly hope to only continue and nourish our growing relationship, so that a door never gets closed so early on, that will be so hard to re-open again later in life.
What is your biggest pressure either implied or otherwise? Voice it below and begin to let it go!