Rochelle – Page 2

That’s how much time has passed since Rochelle has passed away. It’s crazy to think that I have made it to this point in my life, and in my grieving process.

In the beginning of this journey, I went through some pretty tough times accepting what all truly happened. I didn’t know how I could have grasped everything that occurred, in such a short amount of time. It wasn’t until I sat down and typed everything up with what truly happened in the moments after her death, that I had to stop and think about how I was feeling.

I had a lot of anger that just harbored within, and at that time I got rid of some much stuff (I still regret giving everything away, some stuff I definitely could have kept)! I didn’t want to see anything that had Rochelle’s name written on it, and I wanted it gone. I was hurt, and in a lot of pain. It took me time to actually go through all of her items, and keep only the special ones. I could feel myself falling deeper into a hole around the three month mark. I had very poor self esteem, and I just didn’t think anything good/positive. I remember having to just pull it together for Brielle’s 2nd birthday party. I tried so hard to be “in the moment” but I just couldn’t. I remember the guilt kicking in, around month seven, and I was hurting so much.

It wasn’t until month eight, that I could see myself turning my negative outlook around, and appreciating everything that God had given us. I loved that I wrote my farewell letter to her through poetry. She was my inspiration to explore deeper and profound feelings for my love of writing.

Somehow, I got the sign I longed for, and that was for God to give me hope again. To listen to myself and my heart, and do that I truly love to do. I started peak an interest in photography, and I loved celebrating her first birthday, and being able to capture it. I loved knowing that she was celebrating with Jesus, among all people, and her brother Lamar. The only word that I could find to describe that feeling is pure magic.

I believe I am a place right now, that I would have never thought possible, just one short year ago. I have many downs, but a lot of ups as well, and with God, family, and friends, we have somehow made it to this day, a year later, January 7th, 2016. Please continue to pray for healing and growth with our family, and that we continue to share Rochelle’s journey, for a lifetime to come.

Here are some of my favorite pictures, ever.

perfection–even when she had jaundice! 🙂

Just minutes after meeting her for the first time, I will never forget the way her fingers curled and grasped mine so tight

Sleeping peacefully.. at least for a little bit when she was not being held.

R.I.P our sweet sweet Angel Rochelle Elaine Johnson

November 06, 2014- January 07, 2015.

celebration, changes, Christmas, Faith, Family, holidays, parenting, Rochelle

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

December 24, 2015December 24, 2015by Sheridan Johnson4 Comments

This past month/season has brought about so many new and different emotions this year. This is the first year that I have ever gotten involved in reading/doing the advent calendar/activities, and have read so much of the Bible, and truly appreciate and understand so much more than ever before.

This season also brought about ~~new~~ mixed feelings when it comes to Rochelle. It’s so crazy to think that just one simple year ago, we were in the hospital waiting, hoping, and praying for good news that we could go home and enjoy the new year at home, as a family of four. As I am growing in my relationship with the Lord, I am realizing that He gave us everything we had prayed for. He gave us healing, and comfort, and time. He gave us undying strength, love, and affection. He truly did give us everything we needed, at the exact time we needed it.

One of my favorite verses from the Advent series, that explains exactly how I feel, is when Elizabeth was speaking to Mary in Luke 1:39-45 and said

You are blessed because you believed that the Lord would do what He said.

Over this past year, our daily nighttime family prayers have become more deeper, and more meaningful than they ever were. We are reminded daily from Luke 1:12 that

God has heard your prayers.

We are forever thankful for the birth of Jesus, and of the angel that spoke to Mary, the virgin, and told her in Luke 1:35 that

the baby will be born Holy, and he will be called the Son of God.

I truly think that Brielle and I both benefited from exploring more into the birth of Jesus, and doing the daily coloring activities, which allowed us to explore deeper into an understanding of what I was reading. I loved the fun baking activities, and I think our most favorite one, was when we got to donate to Ronald McDonald, Toys for Tots, and the Salvation Army.

We must never forget that time spent with our loved ones making memories, praying, and serving others is what will last forever, and truly that is what this entire season/holiday is all about.

**To learn more about Advent, and which journey I decided to embark on this year, click here. I was so amazed by how much time/effort Kara-Kae put into making a printable, that us moms(families) could use with our kids and teach them every day more about Jesus.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from the Johnsons

Lamar, Rochelle

Sleep

December 9, 2015December 9, 2015by Sheridan Johnson14 Comments

I see you staring at them,

those bags under my eyes.

It may look like it was from not sleeping for one night.

Little do you know,

those bags tell a story.

Of a twenty-seven year old woman,

who has aged so much in the last five years.

A woman who has experienced so much loss,

that sleep is non-existent anymore.

A woman who prays that someday,

sleep will come back.

A woman that closes her eyes each night,

says her prayers and counts her blessings,

and if she happens to get into that deep REM sleep,

she is only to be woken up from a terrible nightmare.

The ones that she wishes upon no one.

A woman who wishes that one night,

she just might be able to see her babies again.

So many people have told her,

that angels can speak to you when you are asleep.

She just keeps waiting and hoping for that day to be true.

Just to get to see them one more time,

growing, laughing, and playing,

and knowing that they are right where they need to be.

Those bags under my eyes may never go away,

but know that I am okay with that.

Sleep will come back one day,

it may happen sooner, or it may happen later.