grief

Collateral beauty

April 19, 2017April 21, 2017by Sheridan JohnsonLeave a Comment

beauty (1)

After attending this years Haven of Hope (which I still haven’t had time to write about) with the many women who have lost their children entirely too early, and have walked/still walking through this journey of grief, I was so amazed and encouraged by so many of them!

This one mom (Georgia) spoke about collateral beauty and basically finding different ways that God speaks to us after suffering a loss of a love one. She told us that it’s based on a movie, and that some people may not be ready to watch it, but to “remember the name and the meaning and watch it when they felt the timing was right”.

I went home and bought the movie right away and watched, and absorbed every ounce of the movie, and loved it.

It got me thinking of life, my personal journey, and my future. It’s amazing to think that God has been with us throughout our “highs” and our “lows”. That He has used my personal journey to open my eyes and my heart to helping other children that are in need and provide them love, shelter, and a place to call their temporary (or permanent for some) home.

There are only two words that describe the life that we been through, and it’s collateral beauty. It’s finding God’s grace through the midst of it all, and continually working to better ourselves and our faith daily. It’s opening our eyes to see things that we may been shielding them from seeing years before. It’s ministering to those other moms who have had everything taken from them.

Collateral beauty is amazing and can be interpreted in so many different ways, and if you get the chance to watch the movie, definitely do so and let me know what you think.

changes, grief, growth, life, loss, poetry

Triggers

March 21, 2016March 21, 2016by Sheridan Johnson8 Comments

Grief doesn’t go away

it doesn’t disappear.

People say things

that cause a reaction out of us.

“God will never give you more than you can handle”

trigger

“You can have another baby”

trigger

“It wasn’t your fault”

trigger

“You can move on”

trigger

Grieving is a process,

and goes deeper than those five stages.

Sometimes it just so happens,

that those triggers

may never disappear.

Image by: The Hope Line

angel, children, grief, remember, Rochelle

Until the day

February 22, 2016by Sheridan Johnson3 Comments

lastnight

I can’t wait

until the day

that I am able

to physically hear

your heartbeat again

Family, grief, growth, loss, monthly update, photography, remember, Rochelle

3 6 5

January 7, 2016January 7, 2016by Sheridan Johnson10 Comments

1 YEAR, 12 MONTHS, 365 DAYS, 8760 HOURS, 525,600 MINUTES, 31,536,000 SECONDS

That’s how much time has passed since Rochelle has passed away. It’s crazy to think that I have made it to this point in my life, and in my grieving process.

In the beginning of this journey, I went through some pretty tough times accepting what all truly happened. I didn’t know how I could have grasped everything that occurred, in such a short amount of time. It wasn’t until I sat down and typed everything up with what truly happened in the moments after her death, that I had to stop and think about how I was feeling.

I had a lot of anger that just harbored within, and at that time I got rid of some much stuff (I still regret giving everything away, some stuff I definitely could have kept)! I didn’t want to see anything that had Rochelle’s name written on it, and I wanted it gone. I was hurt, and in a lot of pain. It took me time to actually go through all of her items, and keep only the special ones. I could feel myself falling deeper into a hole around the three month mark. I had very poor self esteem, and I just didn’t think anything good/positive. I remember having to just pull it together for Brielle’s 2nd birthday party. I tried so hard to be “in the moment” but I just couldn’t. I remember the guilt kicking in, around month seven, and I was hurting so much.

It wasn’t until month eight, that I could see myself turning my negative outlook around, and appreciating everything that God had given us. I loved that I wrote my farewell letter to her through poetry. She was my inspiration to explore deeper and profound feelings for my love of writing.

Somehow, I got the sign I longed for, and that was for God to give me hope again. To listen to myself and my heart, and do that I truly love to do. I started peak an interest in photography, and I loved celebrating her first birthday, and being able to capture it. I loved knowing that she was celebrating with Jesus, among all people, and her brother Lamar. The only word that I could find to describe that feeling is pure magic.

I believe I am a place right now, that I would have never thought possible, just one short year ago. I have many downs, but a lot of ups as well, and with God, family, and friends, we have somehow made it to this day, a year later, January 7th, 2016. Please continue to pray for healing and growth with our family, and that we continue to share Rochelle’s journey, for a lifetime to come.

Here are some of my favorite pictures, ever.