Y’all know I try to be as transparent as possible on social media, but some things I felt like needed to be kept between Shane and I, until now. With a lot of prayer, and a lot of discussion between each other, we decided it would be good to share how God has restored our marriage and brought back all the things that we had lost over the years.
Now let me preface this with a little background of the two of us. We started dating when we were in high school (16 & 17 and long distance at that) and we broke up a few times in our early years, before really committing to each other and started making strides towards getting married.
We never really discussed the major stuff before getting married (money, faithfulness, trust, family planning, etc) we kind of just went with the flow of life. Well, that was until we decided to get married on a whim and had one of the worst years of our lives together.
That was just the beginning of the downhill battle that we faced for many years to come.
We made those vows to each other on October 10, 2010 and questioned them quite a lot in the first few years. We didn’t really know what it meant at the time to love each other in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, until death do you part.
We just knew that whatever we would go through, we would never get divorced (yes, I know such a naive thought now that I am 30 and looking back.) I grew up in a broken home where marriage was not a major priority and we knew we didn’t want our kids to be raised in a house where love and affection weren’t shown, and we were for sure that we didn’t want to show them constant fighting or arguing amongst the two of us.
That was until we both had cheated on each other with different people. Let me preface that I am not going to go into specific details on the timing of our marriage or the names of the other individuals that were involved, but I am going to let you know that when you feel the need and the desire to seek out intimacy with others (whether it be an emotional affair or a physical affair) something is lacking in your marriage and in your heart.
Shane and I were just on different pages, and we definitely never sought out counseling for help when it got difficult and we both just wanted to be away from one other (which in hindsight counseling with a licensed therapist or having open discussions with our Pastor would have probably have been the best options out there) which led to the affairs.
While we both did come clean with one another, it wasn’t easy. It broke us completely and with a lot of tears shed, we had to forgive each other before it was ever possible to work on building back something that was completely lost.
The turning point for us was putting God at the center of it all, it seems like such an easy task right? But it was so hard for us to do for so long in the early years of our marriage. He had to be our reason for wanting to stay together, for wanting to be a family, for asking God and each other for forgiveness, for truly confessing our love to another, and showing it.
It has not been easy, and in my nature of growing up where I felt my heart rip in half from abandonment from my biological father, I never let Shane in to love me the way I needed to be loved, to fully give myself to him and only him. And he never really knew how to show the love to someone else or how to overcome the hard obstacles that were right in front of him. We definitely did not honor and cherish our vows the way they were intended for.
God has changed us into two completely different people, and the thing we get most from others now is they say “I want the kind of love that you and Shane have, y’all seem to happy” and the truth is, we are. We are happy, and in love with each other, and we love our kids with the deepest of our hearts, but that wasn’t always the case.
I want you all to know that it’s ok to speak the truth, to confess to people your sins, and your wrongdoings in life, because you know what? No one is perfect. Not one single one of us. And if I am able to share just a glimpse of heartache and struggle with you, so that you don’t have to go through the hard stuff or turmoil with your significant other, I will.
God interceded in our marriage and saved us, and for that, we are forever grateful.
I love you all, and I hope that this story resonates with one of you, and I hope that grace will be given to each of us as we are putting our hearts out there so open, vulnerable and on the table for everyone to see.