This is section three of the 30 days towards connected parenting.
In this section Sara speaks about having too high of expectations for our little kids. How we expect obedience, we take away their choices, we minimize feelings, and expect perfection.
This is so true in so many ways, and when we stop to think about it, we do it every single day without ever noticing it. I am definitely one to say that I have high expectations for my daughter. I want her to always strive to be the best she can be, in any given situation. I used to hate taking her out to eat, because she would never sit down in the high chair that they provided, or in a regular chair. She would have to stand up and taste a little bit of everyone’s food at the table.. the whole meal. I knew this topic would hit me hard, and here is the questions that were asked at the end of the prompt.
What expectations do you have of your children? Are there any that you’re still holding onto that might be negatively affecting your relationship? What are you working on letting go of to allow a deeper connection?
- I would say that my expectations that I have for Brielle is to be honest, to have manners and not just demand/take something she wants, to respect others and herself,and to know that in any circumstance is it EVER ok for her to hit, kick, bite, scratch, or intentionally hurt someone else (that will result in an automatic time-out).
- I definitely think the one major expectation for her that I just need to let go of, is perfection. I want her to really do great in life (as I am sure that many parents want the same for their own children), but I do tend to get upset when she messes up something that I know she knows and understands, or I tend to want to fix the 1 out of 5 shapes that she did not trace completely correct.
- I now understand that my behavior for her to be perfect, is because of my own insecurities and upbringing. I never was the best at any sport, or mastered anything in school (I was good but not great at math), people didn’t idolize anything about me, and I see myself wanting that for Brielle. I want people to look at her and go “wow, she’s so smart at …., or I wish I could teach my child to kick the ball like she does” etc., etc. I just want her to know that if anything ever happens to me, that I was the best possible mom I could be and that she learned as much as she could during the time she spent with me. I am going to work on letting go of my high expectations and being proud of who she is, as her own individual.