Why? 8 months later…

I was asked the question on why I blog.. and here is the answer.  I blog because I am the voice for my children who did not get to live a full life and I am here to spread the word about Trisomy 13 and 18 and share their lives with others through the internet.  I blog because I love to write and it’s a passion of mine to connect with other moms/people out there who have the same interest as me, and allow me to connect with them on a deeper level.  I blog because this is “my thing”.  As a wife, mom, daughter, sister, etc., I tend to lose time to allow myself to find something that I enjoy doing.  I love to do this, and really want to grow my blog this year, and I am excited for all of my new followers, as well as all of you who continually to read my blog daily.

This question got me thinking about Rochelle’s 8 month anniversary since she passed away.  I can’t believe so much time has passed, yet it still feels so fresh in my mind.  I can finally say that talking about her life story doesn’t have me in tears (though I am not sure if this is normal), but I do find that I am more emotional with other aspects in my life.  I am still unable to handle books/movies/tv shows that have anything to do with a baby dying, but I am able to handle facing my biggest fears in my professional environment by having to walk down the same hospital ER where Rochelle was, and transferred to floor two.  It was so surreal for me to be there with my patient and her mom, knowing it was not a life or death situation like it was for me and Rochelle.  It has changed me as a person, and I feel like I am a better mom/nurse/friend and just overall person because of what we went through with Rochelle.  Losing a baby is never easy, it is not something that I would wish upon my worst enemy, but knowing that God has a purpose and a reason for us here on this Earth that has yet to be completed, makes it a little bit easier to appreciate the time we have here, before I get to join my children in Heaven.

This month, I wanted to do something I haven’t done in a while.  I opened up her memory box that I saved all of her precious belongings in, shortly after she passed.  I thought I would be a mess going through and opening the box, but God gave me the strength and calmness that I needed in that exact moment, to feel such joy when I was looking at these items over again.  Her feeding tube was something that I will never forget, and having majority of her care be based around that, made it such a sweet thing for me to have forever, and I am so glad I saved her last one she had at home.  Looking back, every single one of her outfits were special and so meaningful, and I truly wish I would have saved more.  I was in such a dark place during that first week of her passing, that I didn’t want to look at anything that resembled her stuff.

This box is so powerful and will always remind me to live, laugh, and love.  I hope you enjoy these pictures as much as I did, and I hope you all know how much Rochelle loved each one of these items.