5 months

So I cannot believe it has been five whole months since we have lost baby Rochelle.  It still hits me from time to time that I should be in the NICU in San Antonio, or when I am driving my patient to her doctor appointment at Dell’s Children’s that I should go up to the hall to check on Rochelle.

I wish I could say it has gotten easier, but I can tell just from current situations and experiences going on in my life, I can honestly say it has not.  I feel like I cannot fully commit to anything anymore.  I feel like I can really only talk to a select few about her, and it’s becoming more apparent to me about the people I cannot talk to about her as well.

This month has been hard on Brielle as well.  She has asked for her baby sister multiple times and even told me the other day when we were headed to my parent’s house and an ambulance passed us on the highway she said “that’s Chelle’s truck to go to the hospital” and I asked her to say it again and she said it clear as day.  She then followed it with “I want to go to the hospital too to see Chelle.”  We tell her the truth that yes even though that was the last place that she saw her sister, her sister is not there anymore. We tell her that we cannot wait until we can all be together again in Heaven one day and that when God calls us to be with her and Lamar, it will such a glorious day.

Today is also special because we are celebrating Brielle turning 2!  Brielle’s birthday is actually a week away, but this day worked out with everyone’s schedule so June 7th it is.  It is bittersweet to throw a party celebrating our only living child and mourning over the loss of our other two as well.  I just hope that God gives me the strength to have a great celebration, and I hope that in return we are able to bless other families that are staying at the Ronald McDonald House with specific items they are in need of.  They helped out our family so much in such a low time in our life and we can’t thank them enough for providing us a bed to sleep on during the very few hours we did spend away from Rochelle.

My only hope is for people to truly understand what special gift each and every child is.  During the good, bad, and even ugly times, just to remember how important it is that you get to hug, kiss, and touch your child every day.  Oh and one more thing, don’t ever forget to say “I love you”.