Ever since we were told that Rochelle had Trisomy 13, it was just the start our of grieving process. We couldn’t understand why God would give us another baby just to take them away again. It took a lot of time, healing, and prayers to get to the place where we are at right now. While reading my book right now I came across this quote “I believe that everything happens in our lives, however awful, is an opportunity to bring glory to Jesus” and it describes what we are going through so well.
There are fives stages in the grieving process, and while I learned them in nursing school, and have lost family members, I didn’t quite fully understand going through each process until we lost Rochelle. It was different with Lamar, because we felt like we didn’t have time to fully understand everything before we lost him, and I had to take a test in nursing school two days after I lost him. So grieving definitely needed to occur, and the only thing I wanted more then anything was to feel a baby kick inside of me again, and that’s where Brielle came into the picture. Just two months after losing Lamar, we were in desperate need of another baby to help comfort us and while she could never replace him, she helped us grieve and heal more then she could ever have imagined. The five stages are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
Denial- I think this stage occurred mostly during the early months during my pregnancy since we got abnormal results at the 9 week blood work, we just didn’t think we could handle going through everything all over again. When it was confirmed at 18 weeks that she did in fact have Trisomy 13, I still think it took about another couple of weeks to fully understand what our journey was looking like that we were about to embark on.
Anger- This really occurred with both Shane and myself during the weeks following the diagnosis. We didn’t have anger like we wanted to lash out on everyone, because that’s just not who we are, but we were mad at God and just needed to let our anger out that He would let this happen to us again. Little did we know, that it was probably the best thing to ever happen to us.
Bargaining- This stage pretty much occurred during every single prayer over our baby girl, we just prayed for God to deliver us our baby born alive, and give us time with her. We didn’t pray over a specific time, but we just needed time. It seemed like that prayer continued every single day she was alive, for her to get stronger and heal from her illness. We just didn’t quite understand that God was giving us more time with our precious girl than any of the doctors could ever expect, with all that was going on with her.
Depression- This stage happened during the last week of her life, up until about 2-3 weeks after her death. I just wanted to be by myself to cry, think, pray, and write down my thoughts. Life didn’t end with Rochelle’s passing, but it truly fully began for our family of three. We all just needed time together, alone, and that was truly the best healing for us.
Acceptance- I truly feel like we are in this stage right now. We are realizing that God gave us two precious babies, and one that we got to love on and cherish and kiss before they went to be with Him. Why do bad things happen to good people? Sometimes, we will never know, but we do believe in a God that is bigger and more powerful then we could have ever understood before.
Thanks be to God for giving us the greatest gift on Earth, and that is to be parents. We fully feel like we are alive now and living life to the fullest. This is going to take time, but we are truly blessed with the family and friends that are continuing to pray and love on us and help us any way they can.
“Trust that an ending is followed by a beginning.”
The Lord is my rock; my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock and whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the hornof of my salvation, my stronghold. (Psalm 18:2)